Office of Marriage & Family Life

The closer we come to Jesus the more we grow and the more effectively we learn to love. This intimacy with Jesus will help us know our calling and grow in our capacity to authentically love another. The better we know Jesus, the better we will love.

In the book of Acts (Acts 2:42) the Church provided a guide to how we can grow in our relationship with Jesus:

1. Understand who Jesus is through the Creed or teachings of our Church. Click here to find resources to learn more about your faith. 

2. Participate actively in the Sacraments. Click here to find a parish (link to parish finder)

3. Live "Life in Christ" by doing the good for others. 

4. Dedicate yourself to prayer to grow in your relationship with God. Click here to find resources to learn more about prayer.

5. The better we know Jesus, the better we will grow in our capacity to authentically love one another. To learn more, read the US Catholic Catechism for Adults which provides so much more.

Reflection

Do you share in each other's faith? A shared spiritual life can help strengthen a couple's relationship, even in relationships where two people don't share the same religion. If your relationship with Jesus is an important part of your life, it would be ideal for your spouse to be able to share in your faith and to support your spiritual growth. 

If you don't already share your spiritual life, invite your prospective spouse to get to know your faith. It will help them get to know you better and deepen your relationship. Don't be afraid to invite them to join you at church.

When Jesus came to us, he came through a particular family that included ancestors with admirable and not so admirable histories (Matthew 1:1-17). It is helpful to be able to interpret the things we need to retain from our family history, such as virtuous habits and loving behavior. We also need to be aware of the things we need to move past, such as bad habits and wrongs done. By having a strong understanding of our family and cultural backgrounds, we can grow as individuals and be able to help our future spouses become part of our family. 
 

Reflection

How is your relationship with each other's families? Does your significant other like your family? Does your family like your significant other? Likewise, do you have a good relationship with their family?  

Take notice of the family patterns in each other's families. Without judgement, identify patterns that could factor into the work of building a loving relationship. Reflect on how these factors may affect you as individuals, as a couple, and as a future family.

Openly discuss any challenges that may be present in each other's family background. Reflect on how these challenges may affect your relationship, and how you might need to come to terms with these challenges.

Good friendships help us grow as people. They ground and encourage us whether we are married or single. Take a good look at your friendships. Spend more time with friends who help you become a better person: someone who lives a life of virtue. Click here to find out about events for Young Adults in our Archdiocese where you can meet others who share your faith.
 

Reflection

Is your significant other a good friend? What are some aspects of your friendship that you appreciate the most? What aspects need to increase or improve? 

How do you feel when you spend time with each other? How has your relationship shaped you as an individual? 

Does your significant other have long term friendships? Do you like his or her friends? Do your friends like your significant other? How do your friendships with other people factor into your relationship? 

The virtues are habits or "firm dispositions" (CCC 1804-1845) that help us to be a good person. Wisdom or "prudence" enables us to choose the good. Justice enables us to give others in our lives what they are due. Courage or "fortitude" strengthens us to overcome difficulty to do the good. Self-control or "temperance" helps us to set aside pleasures and temptations that might get in the way of us doing the right thing. By asking God to help us develop these virtues and practicing them in our daily lives we will become better potential spouses. We will also become better at determining whether or not the people we meet might be a good spouse.
 

Reflection

Does your prospective spouse have a pattern of virtue in their lives? Which of the virtues do you notice the most in his or her life (wisdom, justice, courage and self-control)? Which virtues need to increase?

Reflect on your own life and honestly assess your own practice of the virtues. Which of the virtues are areas of strength for you? Which virtues need strengthening? 

What are you doing, as a couple and as individuals, to grow in the practice of a virtuous life? 

Some professions are more conducive to family life than others. Many professions carry with them responsibilities that will impact family life, such as travel, long hours, debt, and more. Consider these trade-offs when choosing your profession or considering marriage. Be prepared to have honest conversations about the impact of these trade-offs when it comes to entering the married life.
 

Reflection

What are your current professions? How well do these professions align with each other?

What are your professional aspirations? What steps still need to be taken in order for you to feel fulfilled in your professional life? How would these steps affect your life together? 

What are your values for life, marriage, and family? How do your respective professions support or conflict with those values? If any conflicts exist, what are you willing to change in order to better serve your shared goals?

Every relationship has conflict. Reflect on how conflict was managed in your respective families. Whether or not you are getting married, it is important to develop good conflict resolution skills with your family and friends. Learn how to constructively ask for what you want. Learn how to be self-aware and accept when you need to say "I'm sorry."
 

Reflection

What conflicts have you faced in your relationship so far? What have you learned about your approaches to conflict management?

What patterns do you notice in your significant other's conflicts with family and friends?

How does your significant other ask for what they want? How do you tend to ask for what you want for yourself? 

Reflect on your respective abilities to concede, compromise or forgive when needed. What aspects of reconciliation and conflict-resolution need to improve in your individual lives?

What steps have you taken, or are taking now, to grow in your abilities to handle conflict? 

Getting married means becoming a family. We will not only love our spouse, but our spouse's family, and any children that God sends our way. This love means real sacrifice on our part. On the other hand, true joy flows from those sacrifices as we open ourselves to God’s will by caring for the people he sends us. This includes an openness to life, including welcoming children into our homes.

Click here to learn more about the teachings of the Church on openness to life

Click here to learn more about methods of Fertility Awareness and Natural Family Planning.
 

Reflection

What is your definition of a family? How does your definition or idea of a family align or conflict with that of your potential spouse? 

What are your thoughts on the idea of having children? How do your thoughts on parenthood align or conflict with those of your significant other, or with the teachings of the Church? 

How conducive is your current lifestyle to raising a family? What changes need to be made in order to prepare your home and your life for a child? How ready or willing are you to make those changes, as individuals and as a couple?